


Hot Chocolate and Home Comings

by Mjazilem



Series: Cherry Coke and Coffee [3]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, College AU, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Modern AU, PTSD, Series, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:31:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mjazilem/pseuds/Mjazilem
Summary: Medda smiles and shakes her head at Jack “Inspiration has struck uh... something or someone in particular?”or Jack and Crutchie get to know one another and there's hot chocolate and cookies and everyone hanging out and the facing of old fears





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another in the Cherry Coke and Coffee series! Picks up a couple days after 'Black Coffee and Beginnings.' Thank you to everyone who has stuck with the story!

Jack sits at his art desk a sheet of thick paper in front of him.  He pulls a streak of orange across a still wet block of blue green. The watercolor paints bleed together. Jack watches the interaction and adds a gold yellow to the bottom and tips the paper up so the blue and green drip down over it.

Watercolor has never been his paint of choice he's used it over the years to make color tests for his oil paintings. But he has to admit since winter break started he's had fun experimenting.

He's got about a dozen watercolor experiments drying around his room now, on the bed, the bookshelf and strategically placed on the floor. He's been adding layers of color to them. Building up the intensity of the tones slowly. There are bright blues and deep purples intermingled with luminous yellows. He keeps some parts very light and even lets the brilliant white of the paper stay in key spots.

Looking at what he's created he imagines that there are people who might look at the small paintings and see nothing but a mess of colors and shapes, paint mixing and spatter. But Jack sees sun rises and mountains with great tall trees. He finds that one when turned upside down from how he originally painted it becomes a mass of dark clouds over a calm ocean.

He adds a more blue to the one he's working on and watches it spread.

“Do you want breakfast?' Medda stands at his open door. She knocked but he's concentrating and only half notices she's there “uh hu.” He hums noncommittally in reply. Medda smiles and shakes her head “Inspiration has struck uh... something or someone in particular?” she asks knowingly.  

“Aunt Medda” Jack winces and can feel his ears start to get hot.

“Uh hu... That's what I thought. You have fun today. I'll be at the office until four and then I'll be at the theater.” She checks her watch, her first meeting is in an hour, she should have plenty of time to get there. “Come by and see the show if you want, you know everyone loves when you come to rehearsal. Bring Davey and Katherine or your... inspiration.” She can see she's made him blush.  It warms her heart to see him so happy.  “Love you Jack.”

He looks up at her now. He can see the love written on her face. It was startling when he came to live with her and first recognized the look.

“Love you too Medda.” He says sincerely.

“See you later dear, make sure you eat something!” She says as she heads down the hall. 

“Yes Aunt Medda. Be careful out there in all this mess.” Calls after her.  

It sleeted all yesterday a nasty mix of rain ice and snow.  Jack feels it's the worst possible weather condition, just nasty and cold.  So since the day before yesterday when they hung out at Jacobi's Jack hasn't had much to do except go over and that afternoon in his head like a million times. 

Every time Crutchie laughed.  All the different ways he smiled. What had made him frown.  When Race had come and totally called Jack on his crush and the way Spot kept his arm on Crutchie's chair. He was preoccupied crushing hard.

And then there was Crutchie's text: 'IOU coffee.'  Jack hadn't been able to take him up on that yet. It wasn't the kind of weather you ask a guy if he wants to met in. 

later Jack is lounging on his bed sketching eating a Pop-tart for lunch when his laptop starts beeping.  Jack opens up video chat and Katherine and Davey are there.

"What are you eating? Is that a Poptart? Is that your lunch?" Davey asks in a judging tone.  

"Come on. It's gotta hit at least two food groups." Jack defends.  

"That's not lunch." Davey scolds.  

"Oh yeah well, it at least tastes better than a cold cheese sandwich." Jack says under his breath with a bitter look on his face. A lot of his childhood baggage has been called up this week. Things that haven't bothered him in a while seem to be on his mind after seeing the guys.  Katherine and Davey are learning a lot about Jack that he's never really shared before.  

"Was it really like that Jack, really that bad?" Katherine asks.  

"Not quite how you grew up I know." 

Katherine had been thinking about it and has found it hard to grasp just how different her and Jack's childhoods had to have been. "The boys..." Jack knows she's talking about Spot, Race and Crutchie. "They made it sound rough." 

"Beat up by random kids, life dictated by the state, the nuns and their rulers." Davey lists.  

"Nuns?" Jack isn't sure where they come in.  

"Oh when you were outside with hum... Race, Crutchie told us he grew up with nuns and they weren't always friendly."  Davey explains.  

Jack takes in the information and nods "That makes sense, I guess." 

"Makes sense?" Katherine asks. 

"Not about them not being friendly... it makes sense that he would have grown up with nuns because I know there was a home run by nuns for orphans with Special Needs. Maybe that's where Crutchie was." Jack saw them around. "There were a couple times us kids from the Lodge went to events with other system kids. I remember the S. J. Thaddeus kids, some of them were real poorly and in a bad way.  The nuns was associated with the children's hospital and they cared for disabled and ill children, some terminally ill...that must have been a rough place to grow up." 

Jack wracks his brain trying to see if he can remember Crutchie at any of those events like the movie nights they went to at the community center.  There were hundreds of kids there though and Jack is disappointed he can't recall a blond haired, hazel eyed boy with crutches.  

Jack's train of thought is broken when Katherine speaks up. "Sooo have you heard from Crutchie?" 

"No" Jack draws out the word disappointedly.  "Race keeps texting me memes and he asked if I wanted to join his fantasy baseball league. Crutchie's been quiet."

"The way he looked at you Jack I'm sure he likes you." Katherine insists.  

"Have you sent him anything?"  Davey asks.  

"I sent a smiley face in repounse to his text.  I probably looked like a huge dork. A smiley face. Why couldn't I have said something cool? I've got to think of something cool to text him you guys."

"Who ya senden' smiley faces too Jack?"  Davey's brother Les appears on screen.  

"Just a guy I like."  Jack hangs his head, moping.  

Les thinks for a second.  "You should say I like you do you wanna go out?"

Jack sighs "You make it sound so easy Les. I wish I could say that."

"Why can't you?"  Les asks.  Davey looks apologetically at Jack.  

"Ha, You're too cool for me kid." Jack groans feeling hopeless. 

"you'll think of something." Davey says and Les nods enthusiastically and then runs off.  

"What are you getting Medda for Xmas?" Katherine changes the subject.  

"You say that like you think I haven't gotten her anything." Jack says with a new found confidence.  

"I know you haven't." Katherine insists and Jack cocky attitude breaks.  

"I've got something in mind."

"That's a start."  Davey says positively. "I already got gifts for my parents for Hanukkah."

"Show off." Jack mumbles.  

"ooh oh, We need to go shopping." Katherine says excitedly.  

"Davey..." a muffled voice calls from off screen.  

"Got to go guys Les is getting into something." Davey shakes his head.  

Jack chuckles "See ya."

"Bye Davey." Katherine waves and then gets back to business. "So shopping got any gifts in mind?"

"Uuugh" Jack is not looking forward to the crowds and the weathers been so sucky. "Maybe I'll just do all my shopping online."

"Where's the fun in that?" 

" yeah well..." Jack is about to argue that going out in this isn't that fun...

"and it's getting a bit late for shopping online too."

Jack grimaces, he knows that's probably true. "Maybe it'll be nicer out tomorrow." He concedes, maybe he should go out and try to get some gifts.  "I do have a painting I'm working on for her."

"Ooh what are you painting?" Katherine asks,  "Are you painting anything for me uh uh?"  

Before Jack can tell her she's gonna have to wait and see his phone rings. "Who's calling?"

"Nosy" Jack picks it up and half expects it to be Davey calling.  When he sees how's on the display his eye get wide with surprise. 

Katherine watches as he tries to pick the phone up off the bed and fumbles and send the phone onto the floor.  She chuckles. "Ooohhh Jack is it him?"

He doesn't say just hangs half off the bed trying to retrieve the fallen phone. "Got to go Ace, talk to you later!" He says urgently.  

"You better call me back!"

"Ok ok." He agrees, there's little doubt she'll find out soon anyway, he can never keep secrets from her for long.  

He answers the phone like he's never gotten a call before. "Hello?"

On the other end Crutchie sounds surprised. "Oh hey Jack, I didn't think you was gonna pick up."

"Yeah sorry my phone... it fell." Which is the truth but it still sounds so lame.

"Oh well, I hope it's ok."

"Yeah Yeah no worries..."  Jack is about to launch into his best cool guy 'how's it going' routine when a strange noise on the line distracts him. "hum Crutchie what's that noise?"

"Oh the... hum smoke detector in the apartment is going off." Crutchie doesn't seem to be concerned but it certainly alarms Jack. 

"The smoke Detector!"

"It's no big, I think the battery must be dying it started beeping around ten this morning after the other guys left." 

"It's just been beeping?  Can't the building manager help?"  Jack asks.  

"He's out of town right now. Visiting family or something." 

"That's crazy.  and you've just been there.  I know it's nasty out but why don't you go someplace else?" Jack thinks he'd have to leave.  

"I've got cookies in the oven and I really wanted to bake today."  Crutchie says stubbornly.

That strikes Jack as funny.  "Hum Crutchie..." Crutchie seems to catch on quick to what Jack's getting at.  

"You don't gotta be rude, the alarm and my cookies got nothing to do with one another." 

“Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it... Why, don't you come over to my place and do that? Cook I mean.  Medda won't mind as long as we clean up. Davey cooks over here all the time." 

“I'm waiting on the cookies in the oven now and I've got two more batches to make.  I'm not hauling all that stuff on the bus or subway.   I've just been turning the radio up to try and drown the beeping out. We've got a step ladder around here somewhere, I suppose I could see if I could reach the detector. ”

Jack doesn't think for more than a second before making his decision. “I'm coming over.”

“What?” Crutchie's voice gets higher with his question.  

“I'm coming to fix the smoke alarm it's annoying me and I ain't even there, it must be driving you nuts.”

"You don't gotta do that..."

"Are you telling me not to?"

"No, no I'm not doing that..."

"Good then I'll see you soon."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack goes to Crutchie's apartment

Crutchie texts Jack directions in case he forgot how to get to the apartment and instructions for buzzing in and which apartment is their's.  Jack reads over them before getting out of the car.  

He pulls his hat down and his collar up as he walks in the nasty weather from his car to the building. 

He checks the panel by the front door and finds the name next to the first button says Conlon, Jack hits it and hears a buzz and a click as the front door unlocks.  He steps in and like Crutchie's text instructed he turns left.  The first apartment in the hall is Crutchie's and the guy's.  Jack takes a deep breathe and knocks on the door. 

It opens a split second later.  

“Hey” Crutchie greets him with a big smile and Jack feels his nerves calm.  

"Hey."  Jack pulls his hat off and steps into the apartment.  Crutchie closes the door behind him.  It's warm inside, which Jack appreciates.

“You can throw your coat on the chair there.” Crutchie says.   Jack notices he's only using one crutch when he gestures with his hand and a spatula. Waving loosely in the direction of the chair.

Jack shrugs off his coat and takes in the room and Crutchie as he does.

Crutchie's in jeans, a sweater and high tops, instead of the boots. He's got flour smudged on his face which is like the cutest thing ever, Jack thinks.

Jack notices he's got his right foot down like he hadn't seen before. Also... "I don't think I've seen you without a hat on before." Jack comments. Crutchie's hair is sticking up in all different directions and Jack thinks it's perfectly suited the blond boy.

"Ohh gosh... yeah I guess so." Crutchie raises his hand and runs it through his hair as if to tame it but he only succeeds in making it stick up more.

Jack is admiring the view until he panics slightly.  Crutchie has the hand that was holding his crutch in his hair. Crutchie seems unfazed.  Jack watches amazed as the crutch hangs from Crutchie's forearm by the cuff and he stands, balanced on his good leg, without it.   "Yeah I should put a hat on, I haven't bothered to brush my hair yet today."

"Nah It looks..." 'sooo handsome' Jack thinks but manages to be cool and not blurt that out.  "looks good."

"Ha... yeah thanks" Crutchie drops his hand, the crutch goes back into place and he easily takes hold of grip. 

The look he gives Jack next is quizzical.  Jack isn't sure what he's done and he feels his anxiety spiking. 

"You can put your coat on the chair... or anywhere you like really." 

Jack looks down and realizes he's still holding it. "Oh yeah, right."   

Crutchie smiles amused as Jack finally puts his coat down.  "How was traffic?  Many tourists on the road?" he asks as he turns and limps to the kitchen. 

left leg,  crutch in his left hand, he balances himself on the crutch and his good leg and moves his right leg.  The braces he's got on his knee and ankle help as he puts just the briefest pressure on the ball of his foot, only letting his bad leg take his weight for a moment before supporting himself on the crutch and stepping forward with his left leg. 

It only takes a few steps to get to the kitchen from the door.  He puts the spatula down next to where his second tray of cookies is cooling on the stove and grabs his other crutch from where it's leaning against the counter. 

He turns back to Jack to thank him for coming when the smoke detector beeps loud and shrill.

Crutchie winces “Thanks for coming over that noise is definitely getting to me.” 

Jack can imagine and it doesn't help that the apartment isn't that big, there's no getting away from the noise.  The place is set up so it's really one space that's divided. There's a sitting area with a couch and chair and the TV set up on a trunk. The kitchen is divided off with a counter.  Across from the kitchen and  behind the couch is a round kitchen table then a hallway that's probably where the bed room...rooms? and bathroom are. Jack guesses. 

 "Yeah no problem" Jack follows Crutchie's eye line and sees the detector flashing in the corning where the room and the hallway meet. “I brought some batteries, I think I've got something that will work, if not I'll just take the battery out so it stops beeping for now and you can get a new battery later.”

"Sounds good." As long as the beeping stops Crutchie'll be happy. 

Jack grabs one of the chairs from the kitchen table, it seems sturdy enough, he puts it under the detector and steps cautiously up on it.  It's just enough to get the detector in reach.  

"Have you done this before?"  Crutchie asks looking up at what Jack's doing. 

"Yeah I done it before. Just got to get the front off. It should..." Jack twist it and it pops off. "There we go."  He can see inside now and it is what he expected. "It's a nine volt."

Crutchie looks through the bag of battery packages Jack left on the table. "Here's one." Crutchie hands it up to him.

Jack takes it from him and deftly gets it put in place.  Crutchie stands back admiring the view for a second before Jack is finished and jumps down off the chair.  "You's should be set for at least a year."

"Thanks, that's really super. I appreciate it." Crutchie says sincerely. 

"Yeah, no problem." Jack puts the chair back in at the table, grabs his bag of batteries to put with his coat so he doesn't forget them as he does he notices one of the chairs at the table isn't part of the set.

There's an older looking wheelchair like the kind you'd see maybe in a hospital pushed in on the other side of the table.  Jack tilts his head wondering about it. 'Was it used often or was it a gag?' 'if it's Crutchie's and he uses it wouldn't something newer be better?' 'maybe they can't afford anything better.' 'How much do wheelchairs cost?' 'He should ask Davey, Davey would know... Davey's dad might know where Crutchie  could get a reasonable one.'

Crutchie picks up on what Jack's looking at. "The wheelchair's useful." He says matter of factly.  

Jack blinks, he didn't realize he'd been staring. "Sorry, I didn't mean..." He says embarrassed.  

"Yeah..."  Crutchie waves him off, he's used a wheelchair and crutches since he was little, he's used to questions. "it's just real useful and more practical for some situation than crutches like when there's like lots lots of walking." Or when you're in high school and some asshole slams you into the wall and jams up your shoulder so you can't use your crutches. 

"and it's good on bad days." He tries to keep any defensiveness out of his voice.  He doesn't use the wheelchair often, at least he hasn't recently. Using it's always a bit nerve racking.  You never know how people will react.  He's been told more than once that 'a young man like himself shouldn't be using a wheelchair,' that he should 'tough it out' and 'walk it off.' He has to work hard not to roll his eyes at the thought, these people have no idea what his 'bad days' could be like.  

"Bad days?" Jack looks at the other boy, he hadn't thought about Crutchie having a bad day...hurting.  

"Yeah, some days..."Crutchie hesitates before admitting."I don't walk so good." He shifts his weight between his crutches and his left leg a bit nervous to admit it, but it was probably best to be up front about these things.  He shakes his head and smiles.  "But today's a good day." He looks down and shrugs.  "Lots of spoons."

It's Jack's turn to look quizzical.  He's not sure what that means. "Spoons?  like for cooking?" 

"Oh no... like hum..." Crutchie's smiles lopsided as me explains. "it's a term in the disabled community that sorta means energy."

"So lots of energy...spoons. That's good." Jack tries the new term.  

"Haha, yeah it's good." Crutchie nods shyly before shaking his head and turning back to the kitchen.  

Jack follows him.

Crutchie stops when he gets past the refrigerator and takes his crutches and sets them against the counter. Jack isn't sure what Crutchie is doing. Jack has a moment to wonder then he sees Crutchie use a kitchen table chair that's in the middle of the floor and the counter to move down to the oven instead of his crutches.

Jack takes another step into the kitchen and he doesn't know if he hit it, Jack doesn't think he did but suddenly one of the crutches Crutchie left starts to slide from where he set it.   Jack reacts and catches it before it topples over and hits the ground.

Crutchie turns back and looks wide eyed at him holding his crutch.  Jack thinks the wide eyed look looks nervous. Jack sets the crutch down with the other, making sure it's propped up and shouldn't slide again.

Crutchie relaxes and grabs the spatula to move cookies from the cookie sheet to a plate.    

Jack leans on the counter.  "This is a nice place you got here."  Jack thinks it's really not bad, certainly not as bad as his overactive imagination came up with.  It looks comfortable and even cleaner than you might expect a place where three young guys live to look.    

"Yeah we lucked out. The old lady who was here..." Crutchie stops with the spatula in the air and looks at Jack.  "she didn't die... well at least not here. I'm sure she moved out.  I think she had to go to a nursing home or move in with family. Oh gosh..."  Crutchie hopes nothing bad happened to her but he really likes the apartment.  "Spot pushed for us to get it.  The landlord wasn't too keen on three guys staying here together. I don't know what they thought we were gonna do but to get around that Spot said we's family.  As far as anyone here is concern Spot and me is brothers."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Spoons" Comes from 'the Spoon Theory' by Christine Miserandino  
> Wikipedia entry: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
> 
> Disabled and Chronically ill communities have adopted the term


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big Thank you to everyone who's following the story and has been so nice and Awesomely supportive. You guys Rock!!

"Brothers?" Jack snorts. It's not that Spot and Crutchie couldn't be family. If anyone knew families come in all shapes and sizes it was Jack but it struck him funny that Spot with his dark hair and eyes would try to pass blond haired Crutchie off as his brother.

"So far no one's said anything. I think they like us so it's fine at this point. I'm glad cause it's nice here, this place's got some accessibility stuff like, hum, handrails in the tub... an elevator that works and..." Crutchie waves the spatula around to point out, "It has windows. Some of the guys have places with no windows. Or like, Specs and Albert, they's got one window and it faces a brick wall. So we's real lucky."

"Oh"  Jack is taken aback. He can't image renting an apartment without windows, couldn't imagine living somewhere day in and day out where you couldn't see the sky.

His throat starts to feel tight thinking about being in a place with no windows. 

The Refuge had a room with no windows.  Snyder called it 'the box.'  There were no windows, only a small slot in the door.  It was dark, so dark and cold and smelled, it was still like there was no air and when the light was turned off Jack felt trapped...

Crutchie goes on talking about different apartments he'd seen in the city then he notices that Jack has gotten very quiet. He looks up from where he's spooned out cookie dough onto the sheet to find a serious and distant look on the other boy's face.

Jack doesn't seem to notice Crutchie looking at him, which is concerning. Crutchie puts down his spoon, picks up cookie, and holds it out to Jack.  "Want to try a cookie?"  He smiles cheerfully like nothing is happening.

Jack blinks at the question, his eyes focus and Crutchie sees him come back to himself. He smiles sincerely as Jack takes the cookie from him.

Jack clears his throat self consciously. "What kind of cookies are they?"

"Double double chocolate chip." Crutchie grins.  

"really? Double double?" Jack looks at the cookie before tasting it.  He's pretty sure it's gonna be like biting into a hunk of chocolate, if it's double double chocolate chip he can't see how it wouldn't be.  

Crutchie waits for him to try it. He wants to see the look on his face. Everybody who tries them always says they love them.  But like Jack, people aren't sure what they're getting into at first.  

Jack doesn't disappoint, "Oh man, that's... awesome." He smiles as the chocolate melts in his mouth.  

Crutchie gives him a knowing look. "There's milk in the fridge if you'd like."  He offers as he finishes filling up the cookie sheet and gets it in the oven. 

Jack is surprised when he looks in the fridge. "Who's doing the shopping you's guys sure got a lot of organic stuff." There's lots of vegetables and fresh fruit on the shelves, Jack's not sure he can identify all of them, and organic salad dressing and Cran-Orange-fig juice.

"Oh yeah, that's Spot, he's particular." Crutchie grabs a couple cups down from the cabinet.  Jack gets the jug out and pours the milk, while he considers what Crutchie's said. 

"Really?" It did look like Spot liked to work out, he's definitely got muscles but based on his humongous frap the other day Jack wouldn't have guessed he was into health food.  

"Oh yeah, that's all Spot. Race would buy nothing but pizza and donuts." Jack nods, that sounded like Race.  

"And you, what would you buy?" Jack asks from halfway behind his cup.

Crutchie thinks for a second. "hum, cereal, Pop-Tarts, and coffee. That's all I need."   

"Ha, yeah...” Jack thinks that doesn't sound too bad but he's got to ask the important question. “but what kind of PopTarts? You can tell a lot about a person by which Pop-Tarts they like." 

"I'm a traditionalist, frosted strawberry all the way." Crutchie leans back on the counter as they talk.  

"That I can get behind, they're my fave too." Jack says and then adds. "though I've been partial to blueberry recently." 

"Really? Crutchie raises an eyebrow. "I'd go brown sugar cinnamon before blueberry."  

Jack chuckles. "Well how about Apple?" 

"Nope, nope," Crutchie makes a face. "Unfrosted strawberry before apple." 

"What?! Unfrosted! I thought you said you were a traditionalist." Jack teases. 

“hey I am, strawberry in any form is more traditional than apple.” Crutchie defends, then the oven timer goes off. 

Crutchie grabs an oven mitt and gets the cookies out.  He lets the tray rest on the stove, giving the cookies a minute before he moves them to the cooling rack.    

“So, what are you making all the cookies for?” Jack asks.

“For the party... I wanted to take something special for the kids." Crutchie moves the cookies that were cooling on the rack onto the plate he's been piling the finished cookies up on. "That's why I was calling you actually. The Lodging house holiday party is in a couple days. The guys and me are planning on going and well I wanted... I want to ask.” He looks up at Jack.  “Would you like to go...”

The look on Jack's face seems more confused than anything to Crutchie. Crutchie backpedals.

“Not, not like a date.  That would be a funny date.  hum....sorry.... not that I don't want to go on a date...” Crutchie feels himself blushing.  He would like to kick himself for making a mess of this.  “No, like with us... me and Race and Spot and Spot could drive and you could go with us.” Crutchie spits out the rest of the information. “I'm taking cookies, last year they had a cake for the kids and soda and ice cream. Of course you don't need to bring anything. You might remember lots of fellas come back for it. It's nice”

Jack remembers the event. Even remembers being excited about it when he was a kid because of the treats and guests.  The treats like grocery store bought cake cut thin so everyone got a piece and off brand soda. It had been special at the time, they didn't even get that at the Refuge. “Right.” Jack can feel the expression on his face falling as his anxiety hits him.

Crutchie doesn't get the reaction he thought he'd get, he's left trying to downplay the invitation.

“It's no big deal, just if you wanted to go I know everyone'd be happy to see you.”  Crutchie has no doubt that there would be lots of others there who would be excited to see for themselves that Jack Kelly was in fact not dead.  

Jack swallows dryly.  "I'll think about it."

"Jo-jo and Mush came last year so I'm sure they're coming.."  Crutchie knew last time he talked to them they were planning on being there. “Did you know Romeo, he's a senior in high school this year and...”

"I should go."  Jack interrupts suddenly.

"Yeah,” Crutchie agrees, pleased Jack has changed his mind. “I can just image the guys seeing you, they'll be so surprised." Crutchie knows it'll be great.    

Jack shakes his head. "I should go now."  

"Oh?" Crutchie says startled, his brows furrow.   He's not sure what's happened. "Oh, ok." If Jack needs to leave Crutchie's not going to stop him, but he's befuddled.

Jack moves around the counter instead of going through the kitchen to get back to his coat so as not to disturb Crutchie's setup. 

Crutchie quickly rinses off his hands and dries them before grabbing his crutches and following Jack to the door. 

Jack throws on his coat. He turns and the concerned look on Crutchie's face nearly does him in.  "I..."  He starts, but isn't sure what to say, how to explain.

He wants to stay and he hates feeling like he's disappointing Crutchie but his brain is screaming about the Refuge and the Lodging house and he's got to get somewhere and clear his head.

"Don't forget your batteries.  Thanks for coming over."  Crutchie tries to smile and be reassuring.  "and It's ok if you can't go to the party I just thought I'd ask, no worries." 

"Thanks for the cookie, it was real good.  I bet all the kids'll love 'em."  Jack grips his hat and tries not to picture the faces of the young kids of the Refuge that he left there when Medda got him out.  "I'll... I'll see you later."  

"Yeah Jack. For sure."  Crutchie hopes so.  

"for sure."  Jack nods, puts on his hat and heads for the door.  He takes one look back at Crutchie and then heads out to get some much needed air.  

*******

Race comes home and Crutchie sits up from where he's been reading on the couch.  "The cookies smell real good kid."  Race comments as he tosses his coat and kicks off his wet shoes.  

"You can have one if you want. But just one, they're for the party."  Crutchie grabs his crutches and gets up to join Race and make sure he doesn't eat too many cookies.  

Race snags a cookie and sees there are two cups on the counter.  "You done with these?"  He raises an eyebrow. "Did you need two for something?"  

"Yeah sorry."  Crutchie had cleaned up after finishing baking all the cookies but he hadn't touched the cups, maybe part of him was hoping Jack would come back.  It was silly.  

Race puts them in the sink.  

"One was Jack's." Crutchie explains.

"Jack was here?" Race coughs with cookie in his mouth.    

"Yeah, the smoke detector was going off and he..."

"The detector was what?" Race looks at Crutchie with wide eyes.  

Crutchie rolls his eyes. "It was dying when I called Jack and he came over to help stop it beeping.  He changed the battery." Race gives him a look. 

"I didn't burn anything." Crutchie insists. 

"Yeaahh." 

"That was one time." Crutchie glares at Race who chuckles.  

"Ok ok.” Race snags another cookie and smiles slyly when Crutchie gives him a look.  “It was real nice of him to come and fix the detector."

"Yeah it was nice and I think we were having a pretty ok time, then I brought up the party and he left... I messed up." Crutchie laments and Race winces sympathetically.

"I'm sorry man." Race shakes his head, “do you think it was because you was talking about the Lodging house?”

"I don't know. It was kinda like when he dropped me off and left, like he suddenly had to be somewhere else. I hope, I hope he's ok. I'd call him to check but I'm afraid of making it worse." Crutchie is not happy about feeling helpless.

"It's ok Crutch, just give him a little time. Even back in the day at the Lodge Jack would sometimes go off alone to get his thoughts in order.”

"You think he'll be alright?" Crutchie looks at Race hoping he'll have an answer.

Race can really only guess. "Yeah Jack's a tough one, he'll be fine."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's your Pop-Tart of choice? I'd say S'more, un-frosted Strawberry (Yes I've gotten picked on for it) and Brown Sugar Cinnamon


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading!!! Please let me know if there are any glaring errors so I can edit them quickly.

Jack gets home from Crutchie's, shuts his bedroom door and collapses on the desk chair. He tosses his phone on his bed with his computer and puts his head on his desk with a groan.

He knows he should call Katherine she's probably dying to know what happened, he just feels like dying. Like finding a cave and living there and just never talking to anyone again.

Crutchie probably thinks he's rude or weird or worse.

'What is wrong with me'

He can hear Medda now telling him 'nothing is wrong' with him.

He finds that hard to believe. He feels dumb. Like there's something everyone else has figured out that he doesn't.

Stupid brain doesn't know he's not in the Refuge.

He's not there, he's not going back there, damn it he can't... he's too damn old anyhow. But still, still his palms get sweaty and he gets a chill thinking about it sometimes. The feeling that they'll haul him off back to jail as soon as he lets his guard down.

He sits up and grabs the nearest sketchpad. He digs the pencil in creating dark shiny graphite indents on the page, that just aren't dark enough. He digs in his desk drawer and finds a charcoal pencil.

He shaded and slashes at one page after another.

Pictures of the Refuge, cramped beds and dirty faced kids. Overbearing guards stretched and twisted in the sketches until they turn into monsters. Monsters in the shadows.

Jack tries to get it all out and feel better.

Medda has always said one of his greatest tools was his ability to get things out of his head and onto a piece of paper where it couldn't do nothing to him no more.

He doesn't want to draw the Refuge.  Doesn't want those images in his head or on the paper in front of him anymore.  He scrubs the page he's been working on with an eraser, he digs in harder when the lines refuse to fade completely away.

The eraser shavings go everywhere and in his hast the page crinkles and tears.

Jack sucks in a breath and tries not get overwhelmed by it all. It's just a piece of paper. Ruined paper. Paper that will ever be the same.

He tears the page from the book and crumples it up. He breathes and starts anew on a new page.

He thinks about holidays at the Lodging house. Happy memories of the Lodging house. The boys there, mischievous and kind. Race and Spot and the others that were like family to him. Until he left, left and never went back. Left so they thought he was dead.

Left...

Race's sad, frustrated face appears on the page. His eyes pleading like Jack saw the other day. Jack treats the lines with care. He's stopped his furious scribbling.  He wouldn't treat Race like that.  

More faces Jack recognize come out on the page. Race, Spot, Mush, Specs... Katherine, Davey...

Crutchie with his hair sticking up, smiling. Jack doesn't feel like he got the smile just right so he tries again and again.  He draws just the smile a few times and then on another part of the page Race's eyes but happier this time.  Spot's arms appear on the next page and then the cute boots Katherine was wearing the other day.  The essence of them all, his friends helped ease his mind into a happier place.  

He's filled half a sketchbook when he hears Medda get home.

Jack puts his pencil down and runs his hands over his face. Pushes back from his desk and heads down the hall.

"Hey Aunt Medda." He greets her leaning casually again the wall. "How was your day?"

"Cold and wet but not bad, how about you did you get to stay out of the slushy mess today?" Medda sets her bag down and turns some lights on in the living room including the lights on their Christmas tree.

"Actually... I went out." Jack admits.

"Did you now? What in the world could have gotten Jack Kelly go out on a day like today?"

"Well Crutchie called..." Jack starts his story.

"Uh hum," Medda hums knowingly.

"It wasn't like that, his smoke detector was going off, it was dying, and I went over to help him out."

"That was nice of you Jack." Medda smiles at him. "I'm sure he appreciates it."

"Yeah well I wanted to help and I like the guy. Like really like him... oh man, Aunt Medda I keep messing up."

"What happen sweetheart?"

"I was nervous about going to the guys' apartment. But it was fine, it was nice even. But we was talking and certain things came up and the Refuge was in my head. I was trying real hard to ignore it and he was making cookies and they was real good but they're for the Lodge party.”

Jack takes a deep breath “and Aunt Medda, he asks me if I want to go...”

“How do you feel about that?” She's known since Jack came home and told her that he met a boy who lived at the Lodging House that all sorts of things were going to come up that might get to him.

“I remembers the kids at the Lodging house... the fun we used to have. It was always a good night. But I don't know what fellas might be there, what they're gonna think of me. And when I think about them I sees the faces of the kids I left in the Refuge and I wonder where they are and if they're having a Christmas. And I just... Crutchie asked me to go and then I couldn't stay. I left his place and he probably thinks I'm crazy. I've been avoiding my phone all afternoon.” He thinks about it now, sitting on his bed, he wonders how many messages he has from Katherine and Davey and Race and if he's got one from Crutchie.

“Ooohh Jack you're not crazy. That's fight or flight sweetheart. The things you've been through it's understandable that when those feeling come up you to want to get away from them. It's natural, it's self preservation."

"Yeah self preservation that makes me look like a flake." Jack huffs.

"So you've got some things to work through if you want to keep see Crutchie because these things the Lodge and the Refuge, the other kids are going to keep coming up."

"I know it, but Medda what do I do?"

"Relax and take a breath first. Jack this anxiety and dread you get from thoughts about the Refuge may always happen. But the anxiety from the idea of going back to the Lodging house I think is a bit different I think maybe if you're comfortable you should try not running from it." Medda has lots of experience with handling anxiety, it was a big part of her practice as an Art Therapist. She really thinks that this is something Jack needs to face.

"You mean go to the party." Jack tests the words out loud.

"You've seen Race and Spot now and that went alright didn't it?"

"Yeah..."

"Well I think seeing the rest of the kids might go alright too."

"But..." Jack gets a frustrated look on his face. "What I..."

"You don't deserve to hold onto this guilt Jack, yes you got adopted and others didn't. But they'll make their way just like Crutchie and the other boy's did. And won't they be better for having you in their lives? All your experience and talent and helpfulness." She puts her hands on his shoulders.

"Maybe..." Jack concedes.

"Hum uh" Medda knows it's true even if Jack doesn't totally believe it.

Jack sighs. "Can we make... ugh it's s stupid idea." He starts to ask but gives up.

"What is it?"

"Do you think we could make something to take to the party? Crutchie made double chocolate chip cookies." It would probably be in poor taste to go to the party without anything.

"Well sure we can, that's a good idea. I haven't made my fudge yet and I can make myself free tomorrow night.” There's three more rehearsals until her show, but she's only doing the one song and everyone should be fine with her rehearsing early one night. “Here's a thought and you can say no, would you like to invite your friends over to make some candy?"

"Davey and Katherine?" Jack asks.

"Sure...” Medda agrees. “and Race and Spot and Crutchie."

Jack blinks, unsure. "Idk... yeah maybe."

"Well you think about it and I'll make a list.” Medda pulls out her phone and starts typing what she thinks they'll need. “We want stuff to make fudge and peanut butter balls and peppermint bark..."

Jack nods. "Can we make no bake cookies?"

"The chocolate, peanut butter, oatmeal coconut ones?"

"Yeah, those are the best.”

 

*******

  
Spot grits his teeth, his feet feel heavy and his fingers are frozen even though he's got thick gloves on and he fumbles to get his key in the door. He's relieved when the key slides in and turns. He's finally home.

It was a long and busy shift. Felt like the longest shift of his life. The restaurant was hopping, people make dumb mistakes. He feels like he's run a marathon. He just wants to take a shower and he can't wait to get in bed. As late as it is he expects the guys to be asleep or at least getting ready for bed. So he's surprised when he opens the door and finds them both standing at the kitchen table very awake.

Race greets him enthusiastically. “Hey Spot, check it out! Weasel was just going to throw this out.” He stands aside so Spot can see a scruffy little fake pine tree in a pot on the table. “The store got new decorations and Weasel was gonna toss all the old stuff but I saved this. I figured we could decorate it.”

They'd never really gotten around to getting their own decorations for the apartment.

“It'll look real good.” Crutchie can just imagine it. “We could make some stars and get some Christmas balls and maybe lights.”

“Yeah, real festive like!” Race looks pleased, until he notices Spot hasn't said anything. “Spot? What'd ya think?”

Spot nods tight lipped as he shrugs off his coat. He does like it but he's got other things on his mind at the moment. He hisses as he pulls his arm out of his left sleeve.

“You ok?” Crutchie's eyes narrow as he looks Spot over trying to determine what's wrong.

“What happened?” Race asks concerned.

Spot turns his arm over so they can see, in the dim light, the angry red mark on his forearm. He curses when he sees the burn on his own arm. He's been so busy at work he really didn't have time to look at it closely.

“Got clipped by an idiot with a frying pan.” He grumbles. “The guy is terrible. If we wasn't swamped right now his ass would be so canned. I'll be surprised at the rate he's going if we keep him till Christmas.”

“That bad uh?” Race knows it's not a time for letting employees go, the holidays are always super busy.

Spot groans in response.

Crutchie crosses the room to take a look at the damage. He winces when he sees the extent of it. There's a long, maybe three inch burn across Spot's arm and a broken blister. It all looks painful.

“Come on, lets get this fixed up.” Crutchie doesn't waste anymore time, he directs Spot towards the kitchen. “Race you wanna get the first aid kit and a clean towel?”

“Yeah sure, I'll get 'em.” Race jogs down the hallway.

Spot sighs. “It'll be fine, you don't need to fuss.”

“It's not fussing it, it's what brother's do.” Crutchie says with a wink. He washes his hands and wets a paper towel at the sink with cool water. “You know the drill.” Spot does, this isn't his first burn from the kitchen. He holds his arm up and Crutchie dabs at the area where the blister popped and then gets soap to clean it.

Spot clenches his teeth at first, but relaxes slightly as Crutchie continues his ministrations. “Did you get cookies baked today?” Spot notices the tin on the counter.

“Yep, got a few dozen made.” Crutchie answers not looking away from what he's doing.

Race brings the first aid kit and sets it on the counter and stands holding the towel until it's needed. He's kinda squeamish around blood and bodily fluids. He wants to help but appreciates that Crutchie has taken the lead.

Crutchie tosses the towel he was using and gets a new paper towel wet and hands it to Spot to hold on the burn.

Crutchie opens the kit to look for what they need, antiseptic, gauze and tape. They keep it stocked so it just a matter of getting it all out.

“You ready?” Crutchie asks Spot.

Spot nods. The cool, wet towel feels good. It's like the first relief he's gotten in the three hours since he got burned but he'd like to get this done and go to bed too. So he takes it off the burn and tosses it.

Crutchie gets the towel from Race and pats the burn dry. He applies antiseptic to the broken blister and then rolls gauze around Spot's arm to keep the area clean.

Race holds some tape out which Crutchie takes to keep the gauze in place. “There, that should hold for tonight,” Crutchie takes hold of the grips of his crutches and moves back a step giving Spot some space. “You probably should take an Advil to help with the pain.” He suggests.

“Thanks.” Spot breathes.

“Thanks, Doctor Crutchie.” Race nudges Crutchie and collects the stuff back in the kit.

“Yeah.”

Spot gets a glass of water. “Did you make the double chocolate chip cookies?”

“Double Double chocolate chip,” Crutchie corrects. “You can have one if you want.” Crutchie reaches for the tin.

Spot shakes his head. “I can wait till the party.”

It takes a second but Crutchie realizes suddenly what he's said. "So you got off!"

Spot smiles, he's happy about it too. "Yeah I've got the next three days off. I'm covering Christmas but that'll be easy. The idiot probably won't be there." Spot pops two Advil and downs his glass of water.

Crutchie says goodnight and heads back to the bedroom. His phone is on the nightstand next to his bed. He checks the time, not quite one, and notices he's got a text.

A text from Jack, from earlier.

He opens it, it's a group text.

Jack: Are you guys free tomorrow night?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Do leave a comment I love to know what you think or say Hi even if you're just visiting!


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